In the right direction

Just purchased a new electric pencil sharpener.

 From the directions:
“How to insert batteries: Use your fingers to slide the battery cover off.”
As opposed to your … ? Never mind, let’s move on.

Then this:
“How to sharpen pencils: By inserting a pencil in the sharpening hole, sharpening will start. Removing the pencil will stop sharpening.”
I’m convinced that if I were out working in my corn field, this is the kind of thing I’d hear whispered by a disembodied voice.
“How to dispose of the shavings: Remove the shavings case from the device and dispose of the shavings.”
You might know this instruction writer from his other how-tos, such as, “How to fly an airplane: Sit in the pilot seat and fly the airplane,” and, “How to defuse a bomb: Open up the bomb case and defuse the bomb.”

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